


Revenge Is Sweet (In More Ways Than One)

by axilet



Category: Death Note
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, Gen, M/M, Non-consensual licking, Yotsuba Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axilet/pseuds/axilet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light finally breaks down and confronts L about a certain nocturnal activity that has been going on for some time now. CRACK. Sheer crack. Hints of L/Light, Misa/Light, and oodles of OOC-ness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revenge Is Sweet (In More Ways Than One)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt at the LJ community dn_contest.

"Ryuzaki, I don't really like to bring this up, but…"

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"…it's really been getting to me."

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"I mean, it's bad enough, being chained to another guy, sleeping in the same room, having  _absolutely no privacy whatsoever—"_

"If you would like some time to go off to a quiet place, you have only to say the word, Light-kun. Just tell me in advance so I will know where to set up the video cameras."

"Shut up. I'm willing to put up with this up to a certain extent—but waking up for the past week to find you drooling all over me most decidedly goes beyond that line and way up into territory I would prefer not to think about!"

"My suspicion of you being Kira has just gone up by about three percent."

" _What?"_

"Most assuredly, Kira would be upset by the thought of his most hated enemy being attracted to him."

"…There're so many things wrong with that sentence I don't know where to begin. Firstly, are you saying that you're attracted to me?"

"Light-kun is very modest. You are a very attractive young man, after all. And we are two very intelligent men who have been thrown together most intimately under unexpected circumstances. Is it not so strange that we might begin to develop feelings for each other?"

"It's so strange as to be utterly unthinkable, lest my brain run out through my ears."

"I am hurt by Light-kun's vehement objection to my proposal. If you prefer the company of MIsa Misa, I can understand why, though I would have thought that someone like yourself would prefer intelligence to other, more superficial qualities."

"Proposal? Are you saying—you put this chain on to get closer to me?!"

"It would certainly be a most ingenious plan worthy of my brilliant mind. As I understand it, licking is often a flirtatious invitation to commence with sexual activity—"

"Ryuzaki! Too much information!"

"—not that I have any experience in the field myself. Light-kun, are you feeling well?"

"…I…wait. Let me think about this logically. I might possibly, very possibly, be Kira. The cardinal rule is to never get too close to your suspect. Therefore, you must be fooling with me, most likely another so-called strategic trick to make me confess my link with Kira in a moment of uncertainty. Am I right?"

"Ah, Light-kun, indeed. If only love could be as rational as you."

" _What?"_

"Stop screaming, Light-kun, you do not want to include your father in this conversation, I am sure."

"You  _are_ fooling with me, right?  _Right?"_

"Nonsense, Light-kun, I do not stoop so low as to  _fool with you_ about something this serious."

"Ryuzaki, damnit—"

"I may, however, be so petty as to get my revenge over your mother's most excellent confectionaries. _"_

"You're still sore over  _that?_ I can't believe you felt the need to get back at me by  _licking_ me all over the face! It's immature! And unhygienic!"

"Anything to get closer to the sweets _._ The taste lingers most excellently."

"…if I let you have the next box my mother sends over, will you stop your weird night-time activities?"

"…We have a deal, Light-kun."

"Thank God for that."

 

* * *

OMAKE:

"As a further sign of my good faith, I will keep the naked pictures safe from Misa Misa."

"What naked…you installed CAMERAS in the bathroom?!"

"They're only switched on any time you enter, of course. I watch them afterwards,  _personally,_  to make sure you aren't up to anything suspicious in there. Don't look so worried, there was nothing incriminating. So far. But there was a lot to admire, though."

"…if I confess I'm Kira, will you put me in a nice padded cell, all by myself and  _far, far away from you?"_

"Is that another deal, Light-kun? Watari, are you listening in? Get ready to record that confession."

The resulting scream that followed didn't break the windows of the HQ, but it ought to have, just for the sheer dramatic value.

_-end_


End file.
